Coming back to the Heart of Worship

The following blog entry contains reflections which continued throughout my time at college. It does not always make sense and is full of questions, but I hope that it honestly reflects part of my journey – and that it encourages you at whatever stage you find yourself at. This was a season in which God challenged me to worship him in everything I do. This occurred through the fact that I was in a place where I could not always worship the way I wanted to (e.g. through music). One conclusion I reached was that it doesn’t matter if I am worshipping the way I want to worship, as worship is not about ME. Often it is a sacrifice which gives glory to God due to its very nature. Sacrificial worship can show where your heart is – it is far more wonderful and important to worship God because he is worthy, and because you love him too much to wait until you CAN worship how you want to. Along with this, I realised that the greatest offering you can bring to him is yourself – He sees your heart, not your worldly success. His perspective focuses on the journey of the heart. This is where true success lies, and this is where you will find fruit. My heart is bent towards loving on Jesus and worshipping the God who gave me life and love no matter where I am – I now remember that I can dance upon the chains of circumstance.

“Ok, so my maths exam is tomorrow, and I find myself wondering when I switched from being pretty good at maths to now being at the point of wondering if I'll be able to understand a SINGLE question tomorrow. I don’t want to fail. This is not for the sake of being results-focused or driven by worldly standards, but I want to do well to give glory to God. Something that I know and am sure of is that, through everything, God is greater, and more important than anything. Even maths.

It’s my aim to worship God is everything I do – and offer every aspect of my life as both an offering to Him, but also as something which brings glory to His name. The issue I have is that this includes maths… A tricky one, as it’s hard to directly see the fruit of this worship. This is because I think God’s hand is less obviously seen in my maths work – unlike biology, for example, which tells of his amazing creation or the intricacy found in the balance of life. But nevertheless, I try to use every maths lesson as an opportunity to worship, trusting in the knowledge that God sees my heart.

However, if i'm worshipping God through maths, and giving it all to him as an offering, I don't want this offering to be terrible. I don’t want to give him something that is not the best possible thing. Instead, I want to seek excellence, in order to give him something that is (at least a little bit) worthy. I want to also see that the worship I am offering is bearing fruit – failing maths doesn’t seem like very good fruit. Although I suppose this is not the point.  Maybe the fruit of our worship will appear different to what we first imagined. Anyway, does worship have to be perfect? Surely an important thing is the extent to which this offering was a sacrifice – we’ve got to give our all to God, and so just worshipping through the things that we’re good at, or that we really enjoy, is not really sacrificial. Instead, we’re just labelling our normal activity as ‘worship.’ These things can definitely be worship too, and God calls us into areas that he has gifted us for! But now I am thinking that maybe he also calls us into areas which we have to work hard to succeed in, to show him how much we are really seeking to worship God all the time. Is this it? Does he do this? Does God test us and push us to the edge, so that He can see it for himself? Or, is it so that we can see it for ourselves?

God sees our heart above everything. He instantly recognises a heart that wants to worship, and that is crying out to live for Him in every single way. Please don’t misunderstand me: God wants us to succeed and do well, and even in the really tough things, we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. I think one of the important things here is that, even in the times when it is hard to understand why you find yourself where you do (e.g. in a maths exam), remembering that God is with us and FOR us is so important. He honours how hard we try for Him, and the sacrifices we make. Worship God with all that you do, and with all of your heart – seek excellence in  your life, for the glory of God, but also remember that He will always look at your heart (1 Samuel 16:7).

I still haven’t really figured this all out – but currently, I’m trying to live listening to God’s voice to get His perspective. I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven, and I am more than a conqueror. And my love of God, which leads to a surrendered life, is certainly the most important thing. This is the greatest offering. This is what gives Him glory, and this Love is something which will undoubtedly bear fruit."

-- Heart of Worship (when the music fades), Matt Redman:

I'll bring You more than a song, For a song in itself is not what You have required. You search much deeper within, through the way things appear. You're looking into my heart. 

I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about you, Jesus. I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it, when it's all about you, Jesus.